Cassy for President

I'm running for president.  Here is my platform...

After a careful review of the options for the
up-coming election:
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.  HERE
IS MY PLATFORM:

  (1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned.
English is the official language.. Speak it or wait at the border until
you can.

  (2) We will immediately go into a two-year
isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude.
  NO imports, no exports.  We will use the 'Wal-Mart'
policy: 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

  (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100%
import tax on it.

  (4) All retired military personnel will be required to
man one of our many observation towers on the southern border.  (Six
month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND
aliens.

  (5) Social Security will immediately return to its
original state.  If you didn't put nuttin' in, you ain't gettin nuttin'
out.  Neither the president nor any other politician will be able to
touch it.

  (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at
the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of
urinalysis and a passing grade.

  (7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time
yo u check positive you will be banned for life.

  (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method: The
first time you steal, you lose your right hand.  There will be no more
life sentences -- if you are convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be
put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife,
strangulation, etc.

  (9) One export will be allowed - Wheat -- The world
needs to eat.  A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of
oil.

  (10) All foreign aid using Ameri can taxpayer money
will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national
debt and ultimately lower taxes.  When disasters occur around the world,
we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund,
and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

  (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day
at school and every day in Congress -- right after a prayer to God.

  (12) The National Anthem will be played at all
appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc. Sorry if I
stepped on anyone's toes, but a vote for me will get you better than
what you have and better than what you're gonna get.